WTF moments #1

I rarely dream, at least I rarely remember if or what it was about. On rare occasions I wake up in apnoea and it usually follows a particularly nasty happening but it’s ok, it passes. I breath again and sometimes sleep again. If apnoea was the worst of my sleep problems I’d be a happy man.

Ah! Dreams. I’ve never been a ‘sexual’ dreamer as such, sex doesn’t come into my nocturnal mental wanderings. I don’t know why, it never has done and that’s fine by me. I don’t do sick either, I sometimes hear things other people dream about and I scratch my head and think ‘Whoa!!’. I think we live in a world where we have so much information at our fingertips that the mind just becomes inundated with the daily sick happenings via the news, the papers, the internet etc. So yeah, call it a lack of imagination (worrying for someone who calls himself a writer) but sick or sexy dreams are not on my nightstand, so to speak.

This morning though, that changed as a) the dream was strange, and b) it was almost hilariously sick. I have to get this down because I am sure, bombarded with all types of information input as we are, that I’ve never heard of something even remotely connected to this which means it was a work of my imagination. It was this:

I’m sitting watching the news. The camera flashes over to a man swathed in more bandages than Tutankhamen. He is a zoo-keeper and he was…not attacked exactly but…man-raped by a gorilla in its cage. I kid you not; I heard the newsreader then it went over to the ‘victim’ who, through his bandages was apparently distraught but, really, what the fuck?? To what dimension does the mind cross over to allow something like that to enter?

Zoo-keeper royally rogered by Jack the Silverback is fairly hilarious when you think about it, but only in the light of day, maybe in the pub garden drinking a cold one with some buddies. It’s not so funny however when you’ve dreamt the whole thing at 4.45 in the morning and you lay there, in the dark, and think “What the fuck? How did that one slip under the radar?”

As I say, this one I had to get down because it was too damn freaky. To quote Morrissey/The Smiths – “I can laugh about it now but at the time it was terrible.” It was, it really was.